Animorphs: The Offspring
by musicman88
Summary: COMPLETE! No, this story has nothing to do with The Animorph meeting the band Offspring, this story is about what happens when a female hawk enters Tobias' life and he loses control over his hawk body. What will Rachel say when she finds out?
1. Chapter 1

Animorphs: The Offspring

[Insert normal disclaimer here]

_Thought-speak is in italics_

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My name is Cassie. A few days ago I received a strange letter from what seemed to be somewhere high up in the US government. I've received government letters before, but very few of them were delivered personally like this one was. And all the confidentiality agreements that were included in the letter made it seem incredibly important. When I finally read the actual letter it was very brief and to the point though. It was an invitation to a top secret meeting that "I may find of interest" happening in Washington D.C. That's really all the letter said.

I had been to a few "secret" meetings before, but this one seemed more serious than usual. I wasn't sure what to expect when I finally made it into the room after passing all of the security. My parents had also gotten letters so they were with me as well, but since there were so many laws I'd possibly be breaking I didn't want to risk asking anyone else if they'd also gotten a letter. I suspected this meeting had something to do with the Animorphs and their families though. Most of these "secret" meetings did. And if I had to guess I'd say the meeting had to do with Jake, Marco, and Tobias going off to rescue Ax.

The government had been pretty open about discussing whatever it knew about aliens once the invasion was over, but some people are never satisfied. Rumors and conspiracy theories were constantly popping up over every little thing that went on. And when Jake and Marco suddenly disappeared things really started to get crazy.

To my knowledge the Andalites stuck to their story about terrorists trying to steal one of their ships and crashing it. And also to the best of my knowledge our government never knew that Jake, Marco, and Tobias were part of that plan at all. But since they all disappeared directly after that incident happened a torrent of conspiracy theories began to pour out shortly after; each one crazier than the last.

From what Jake told me there were a few good reasons for the Andalites to lie about something like this. It had to do with some treaty or something the Andalites made with another race. But they wanted Ax back just as much as we did (he was undoubtedly the most famous Andalite at the time), so they were willing to help us find him anyway they could. But if the other race found out about their involvement it would break their treaty and who knows what that'd lead to. That's why they had to keep it a secret even from the Human government.

That's also why I think this meeting had something to do with that whole incident. Perhaps they'd finally found some evidence to suggest what happened really to Jake and Marco. Before they left they didn't even tell their own parents where they were going or anything about what they were planing on doing. I felt real bad about the whole situation, but I had to keep quiet about everything I knew as well. Maybe they'd all finally find out about what really happened today though. I really hoped that was the case. Keeping it all a secret was really starting to get to me. And that's really saying something.

As my parents and I entered the room I wasn't all that surprised to see Rachel's and Jake's parents along with Tobias' mom sitting inside the small room. That was when I knew for sure that the meeting had something to do with The Animorphs. We took a seat next to all of them and started some small talk while we waited. Marco's parents weren't far behind us and as soon as they made it into the room the meeting began.

A somewhat tall man in a suit suddenly came into the room and made his way to the front. "Hello," he said in a strong and sturdy voice, "I represent the Directorate of Intelligence division at the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I'm sure you're all wondering why you've all been asked to attend this meeting. You all have probably noticed by now that only direct family members of The Animorphs are attending this meeting. That is because the information presented in this meeting must not be made public to anyone else under any circumstances. But due to the request of the President of the United States himself this information is being presented to all of you due to your children's previous service to our nation and to the entire world. But before I begin I must make one thing clear. You must never repeat any of the information presented to you outside this room due to it's top secret classification. As far as the government's concerned you never received any invitations to attend any meeting. In fact this meeting is not even taking place at this time. If information about this meeting or what was discussed during it is released every person in this room is liable and will be arrested for treason with the maximum punishment being an execution. If you do not accept these terms then you must leave the room now. If you do so be advised that this meeting still did not take place and simply by attending you have already sworn your secrecy on the subject."

Everybody took a few quick looks around the room to see what everyone else was going to do, but it wasn't that much of a surprise when everybody remained in their seats. The man in the suit cleared his throat after a short time and began once again.

"This will be the final warning," he said sternly. No one even turned around to look at each other this time.

"Well then," he began, "the recent rumors that have been circulating are true. Five days ago the Former SETI Institute received a lightly encrypted transmission of unknown origin. As with any transmission of an unknown origin it was reported to the FBI as dictated in the Global Extra-Terrestrial Emissions Mandate in order to verify it's message and report it to the proper recipients. But when this specific message was decrypted it contained some very surprising information. It appeared to be a text document written by none other than Tobias Fangor. On it's own this would not have been enough reason to classify it as top secret, but due to some of the content this was a very necessary classification."

He took a pause before continuing. "This message was apparently sent from some sort of ship that he had been traveling on for five months at the time he wrote this message. And, according to his message, Jake and Marco were on the ship with him as well as a few others. They had acquired this ship in order to search for and possibly try and rescue Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill who had been captured by unknown forces shortly before the disappearance of Jake and Marco."

"That is all the concrete information that could be obtained from the transmission, but this information raises many questions. None of our records show either Jake or Marco boarding any sort of interplanetary vessel so this raises questions about how they actually managed to obtain one. The only other explination was that The Andalites had given one to them and The Andalites have declined doing so numerous times. When we informed them about this transmission we were told never to release it to the public for numerous reasons. To keep relations between our races as good as possible we decided to honor their request, but when the president heard this he was unhappy with their decision. Since the part of the transmission in question was only the brief beginning section he insisted that a modified version be released so that the actual message that Tobias was trying to convey be known to the public. This was met with some opposition as expected and eventually defeated, but The President was able to secure a private viewing of the message by the families of The Animorphs as gratitude for your children's sacrifice."

We all turned our attention away from the guy who was talking to another guy who entered the room carrying a briefcase. He came up next to the man that was talking and slowly opened the briefcase which was carrying nothing more than some simple paper.

"In this briefcase," the man who was talking continued, "are ten unedited copies of the transmission that was received; one for each person in the room. In a moment you will each be given a copy and allowed to read the transmission in it's entirety. These copies must be returned before you leave this room. No copies are to be removed from this room under any circumstances. Doing so will result in very harsh penalties. The details are on the coversheets which must be signed and returned before you can begin to read the transmission. Once finished you will return all of the sheets back into the briefcase and they will quickly be shredded and incinerated. Only upon a final detailed search for any part of the transmission in your belonging will you be allowed to leave the room. Any questions?"

Everyone looked around the room to see if anyone was going to ask anything, but no one did. And shortly after that the man with the briefcase began to pass out the copies.

He started on my side of the room so I received mine quickly. After quickly skimming over the coversheet and signing at the bottom I tore it off and handed it to the guy that was speaking before. I then flipped past some of the legal crap attached to the document until I finally got to the beginning of the message. This is what it said.


	2. Chapter 2

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Serial code: R-N458-00049-T-102

Transmission Frequency: 62flm

Alignment Correspondence: abkjil48d,7ofn3[bnm!s

Alignment Correspondence: abkjil48d,7ofn3[bnm!s

*copy and paste intro here*

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*This message is being sent from _The Rachel_ in the direction of Earth with intent for the transmission to be received, decrypted, and made available to the general public. This transmission is part of a greater series of transmissions conveying the final thoughts, wishes, and stories of everybody on board. If any transmissions were not received they are being rebroadcast at regular intervals hopefully on the same frequency as this transmission was received on (although Z-space has funny ways of trying to screw that up). This is transmission #102 originally sent at R96-TD325-F55-763 Standard Universe Time.*

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Wow, number 49. I would've never thought that I'd write 49 of these things! When Marco suggested that we send any final messages we had to say had back to Earth I never thought I'd write much at all. I knew that I wanted to explain my life and decisions to my mom as well as tell her goodbye, but that was basically it. I didn't want anyone else to see what I had written and I didn't think I'd be writing any more either. It's probably not surprising to anyone that I'm a kind of private person so I never imagined myself writing anything more. But as time passed I began to find something else I wanted to say. That's when I finally decided to send the message to Rachel's parents explaining everything and showing them how sorry I was for what happened and not stopping it. But that got my mind really stuck on Rachel and before I knew it I had written another document with a little story about something Rachel and I did one weekend. I never really meant to send it out, but after reading it over a few times I decided it would be best to finally explain what happened to Rachel's neighbors. And when I was finished with that story I wrote another and then another and it just snowballed from there.

I've actually come to enjoy writing these things down. Well, most of them anyway. I feel like it finally lets me release the feelings I've been storing up for so long, both good and bad. I can remember all the happy times I've had in my short existence back on Earth and it helps me come to terms with some of my more troubling moments. Again, I never intended to release most of them, but one day after Santorelli and Marco found them on the central storage computer they convinced me to send them back to Earth. At first I was real nervous about sending some of the stuff out because some of it was kind of personal, but I soon realized that it really didn't matter. By that point we all kinda knew that we would never be going back. There was no reason for us to go back anymore. We did what we did and now we were all looking for some closure. We didn't want anything to do with the Yeerks or the war anymore. We were either going to die trying to find Ax or, well, to tell you the truth we weren't sure what we were going to do if we managed to rescue Ax. But one thing was for sure, we really didn't want to go back to Earth. So no matter how embarrassed I felt about some of the stories I'd never have to see the public's reaction to them. And if there weren't going to be tons of questions or tons of people feeling sorry for me then I didn't have much of a problem sending these stories out after I sent the first few out. One thing lead to another and here I am at number 49.

That number still boggles my mind though. I mean, I've sent out about half of the total messages from this ship and I have nearly double the amount of messages that anyone else has. Let's see if I can remember this off the top of my head. Jake is in second place with somewhere around 25 messages sent. Marco has about 15 or so. Both Jeanne and Santorelli have no more than 5 or so each since they don't really have anyone to send them to. Menderash has only two. One is an apology to the general Andalite public for how he acted when their ship was attacked and the other was a farewell letter to his parents.

Ever since Marco and Santorelli found my messages on the central computer we all have been sharing our messages with each other after we wrote them. First and foremost it gave us something to do in this boring place, but it also began to reveal a lot of things about the other Animorphs that no one ever really knew.

It was always interesting to see what Jake wrote because how he thought was way different than the way everyone else thought he thought. We all looked up to him as the supreme leader, but in reality he hated being the one who had to make all the plans and decisions. He was always just as scared as we were and he seemed a lot more like just another one of us then our leader after reading a few of his messages. And after he explained the whole Rachel thing at the end of the war even I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for him. Needless to say I forgave for everything him not long after reading that one. I think Jake enjoyed writing all that out the most out of all of us. I can only imagine what he'd been living through over the past six years or so.

Marco on the other hand started off like everybody expected Marco would with his messages, but as time went on even he began to get more serious which was actually kind of scary. I thought he could just brush off everything bad that happened to him and go on feeling fine, but even Marco could only brush off so much. He'd been hiding some things deep inside as well and when he finally let them out it was a bit shocking. I didn't even think he wrote those messages at first. Only after Jake asked him about it did he admit to really writing them. I thought that everything going on with his parents and whatnot didn't bother him that much, but I guess when your mom's the leader of your enemy it's a lot harder to brush that aside then I thought.

And who knows what everyone else thinks about me! They probably think I'm crazy or something for doing everything that I've admitted to doing. They all knew next to nothing about me before we boarded this ship, but now I think that they finally get me. Well, as good as anyone can really get me I guess. And I guess I understand them more as well. Sharing these final stories between other people who know what you've been through really helps you all connect with one another more than I ever thought would be possible.

But I'm getting WAY off topic here. This message is supposed to be about me and something that happened in my life that I think is interesting enough to tell the entire world about. From the moment I began writing stories down I've wanted to write this one, but I always thought it was just too personal to share. And besides the other Animorphs already knew about it so I didn't see much of a reason to share it with everyone else. But as time went on and I searched for more things to write about (there really isn't much to do on this ship) I finally decided to give it a go. By this point I think I've at least mentioned things that are just as personal as the content of this story in my other messages. It just doesn't strike me as too personal to hide from everyone anymore really.

I've kept this secret hidden from the public ever since the war ended, but I think it's finally time to let it go. I have kids of my own. Well, kids in a sense anyway. But they didn't come from Rachel obviously or else everyone would've known about them by now. They came from my mating partner, a female red-tailed hawk. This is their story.


	3. Chapter 3

It all started on a beautiful sunny spring day. Doesn't it always? I had just finished eating and was out for a post-meal flight. It was just past noon on a weekday so all the other Animorphs were in school. And besides there hasn't been much going on lately anyway so I was free to relax. I guess I could've gone to see what Ax was up to, but right about then I just wanted to fly.

I was busy soaring on a really good thermal when I first saw her. She wasn't more than a small oval with wings to me at first, but my hawk instincts already knew everything I needed to know about her. She was a female red-tailed hawk and she was heading in a slightly different direction than I was so she wasn't much of a threat to me. Almost immediately after seeing her I quickly forgot about her again.

I continued riding my thermal for quite a while just admiring the scenery and letting my mind wander before I noticed her again a good distance below me. She had entered the same thermal I was riding in and was beginning to make her way up. There was nothing incredibly unusual about that since multiple birds of prey usually shared a thermal anyway, especially one as good as this one was, but nevertheless I decided to keep a somewhat closer eye on her. But, in my incredibly relaxed state and with my somewhat arrogant attitude I was starting to develop when it came to things like this I let my mind slip and go back to wandering. The next thing I noticed was that she was almost right beside me.

This sort of scared me at first because birds of prey never really get that close to one another unless there's a good reason. And the only reason I could come up with was that she was trying to scare me out of her territory. Being a female she was slightly bigger and more intimidating than me so when I saw her flapping towards me I decided that it was time to get out of there. I banked hard in the opposite direction I'd been turning and began to flap to get some speed.

Normally that would've been enough to convince any bird of prey that their message had gotten through to me, but when I looked back to check after flying a reasonable distance away she was still chasing after me… and catching up to me as well. I have run into a few birds of prey in my experiences that were extremely territorial and wanted to make sure that I never entered their airspace again. They would chase you down until you got to the very edge of their territory and even then one of them chased me all the way up until I entered another bird's territory. I figured that was the case in this situation as well and I began to flap a bit faster to stay ahead of her. If she caught me then who knows what she could possibly do to me.

After increasing my speed by quite a bit and flying for a good distance I took another look back and was shocked to see her still chasing me. I remember thinking to myself that this was one determined hawk. And then another thought hit me. Maybe she had just recently laid her eggs and was trying to guard them against me. It was the mating season after all. But nevertheless my main focus was on shaking this hawk from my tail. There was one thing that was sure to do that and it was going into another raptor's territory. She'd have to be crazy to chase me through there. And lucky for me I knew a Cooper's Hawk had a territory not very far from where I was, so I adjusted my course and began to head straight for it with the female red-tail still chasing me.

As I began to enter the Cooper's Hawk territory I thought for sure that it would be enough to get the female red-tail to stop chasing me, but to my complete and utter disbelief she continued on as if nothing were different. And as we both left the Cooper's Hawk's territory (after going straight through it) she was just as determined to catch me as ever.

I was dumbfounded, I really was. I had never seen or experienced anything like this before. And I was also starting to get a bit tired from all the serious flapping I was doing. So, with nothing else left to do, I figured I'd just let her catch me and see what she does. If it's a fight she wants then I was more than happy to morph into something to make the fight a bit more weighted to my side. So I finally stopped flapping and just began to glide while keeping a very close eye on what the female did behind me.

As she got very close to me I prepared for the worst, but instead of attacking me she simply flew up beside me and began to glide along with me. I was confused before, but now I was really confused. I'd never seen anything like this before. What was she trying to accomplish?

_Um… Rachel?_ I called out to the female hawk just to make sure it really wasn't one of the other Animorphs playing some kind of trick on me. _Ax? Anybody?_

The hawk quickly looked around in a vain attempt to locate where the noise was coming from, but she quickly gave up and focused her attention back on me. I didn't know for sure, but she seemed like a genuine hawk to me just by the way she flew and reacted to my thought-speak.

So, without any other ideas, I slowly turned back around and begin flying back to my meadow. Not surprisingly the female hawk turned around with me and continued to follow me. I tolerated it for awhile before finally saying to her, _What are you doing? What do you want from me? _She looked around again as if she was trying to find out where the voice was coming from, but she just continued to follow me. I was about to try and ditch her once again by flying through the tree tops and hoping she'd have a hard time following, but just before I was about to make my move she seemed to break away from me and begin to increase her altitude.

_Phew_, I said out loud to no one, _that was weird. _But just as I thought I was finally rid of her I saw her begin to dive down towards me. I knew from the start that her trajectory was wrong if she wanted to attack me and I had also kept an eye on her ever since she left my side. She was a fairly young hawk so she was probably inexperienced with stuff like this, but I can't imagine even a young hawk being that stupid. She missed me by a mile without me even having to move a feather out of place to avoid her, but she came back up after her dive and then dove again missing me by another mile. It was then that I figured she wasn't trying to hit me, but what else could she be doing? After a few of these dives she had reached my level of flight again and was only slightly in front of me. It was then she tucked her wings in and preformed one of _my_ trademark tricks, what I liked to call the barrel roll of death.

That surprised me greatly since I figured I was the only bird who could pull that off. That's because it came directly from my human mind. You see red-tails don't really have any reason to do barrel rolls naturally so there'd be no reason to learn how to do it. Unless…

Suddenly everything made sense to me. _Oh_, I said out loud, _oooohhhhhh! No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, but I'm not available. I already have a girlfriend._

She wanted me to be her mate! That explained her obsessive following! The dives and barrel roll were part of the bonding ritual. I knew instantly what had happened. She had most likely seen me practicing some of my moves awhile ago and she must have thought that I was doing it to impress her. Why else would a normal hawk be doing things like that? I was so focused on pulling off my moves that I must not have seen her. She must have thought that she wouldn't have been very impressive to me at that point considering everything I was doing for her so she waited and practiced some of the moves she saw me do. It seemed a bit strange, but then again when it comes to mating most normal rules are thrown out.

But I was already taken. I had Rachel. And it didn't matter to me what anyone else said, if I mated with another hawk then I would consider it cheating. It didn't matter to me if it was a different species it would still be cheating in my eyes. I loved Rachel and I never wanted anything to come between us. And if I mated with a hawk then I would be doing exactly that. I wanted to tell myself that if I ever did mate with a hawk and actually had offspring I could simply pass them off as something nature made me do, but I was smart enough to know that it really didn't work that way. If I ever did mate then I knew that I would have to "love", in some sense anyway, my mate and my offspring. That's just the way it works. But I never wanted to split my love between Rachel and someone else because I wouldn't want her to do the same to me. I love Rachel in every sense of the word and I'd never want to do anything like that to her.

That was the main reason I hadn't found a hawk mate yet, but it wasn't the only reason. I just wouldn't have any time to care for any offspring if I ever had any. I'd seen what it took to care for a family like that and I knew I couldn't do it. It might seem like I had a lot of free time, and sometimes I did, but other times there were long missions and even longer reconnaissance missions I had to take part in. Sometimes I would not get anything to eat myself for the entire day, so feeding a small family would've been impossible. And I can't even imagine what it would've felt like to lose one of my offspring, especially due to starvation. If I wasn't able to be a proper parent and do everything I needed to do perfectly then I just wouldn't do it in the first place. It was just better for everyone that way. I knew what it felt like not to have parents, but I was a human. At least back then I was. If my offspring don't have any parents then they'll surely die. I don't think I could live with that on my conscience.

There was one other reason as well. Even though I hated to think about it I always did when it came to mating. I'd already had a mate and things just never worked out. You see I freed this female red-tailed hawk from a car dealership that was using her as their mascot and almost immediately I felt something special about her. It was almost like she wanted to thank me for rescuing her by becoming my mate. Now this was a long time ago and I was just coming to terms with being a hawk. The relationship Rachel and I had at that time was far from official and I sort of figured that if I was going to be trapped as a hawk I might as well act like one. But before I ever could that hawk that I freed was shot down by the Yeerks.

I kind of hate to admit it, but I was heartbroken about it. I really didn't want to let anyone else know because they might think I was really weird or something, but her death left a hole inside me. And what was stranger was that we never really officially became mates. But the feelings I had for her were stronger than I would've ever imagined and I only noticed them after she died. After that I vowed never to even think about taking a mate ever again. She was my mate and I didn't think anyone would replace her. Luckily that's when Rachel came along and kind of helped me to get my mind straight again. But even though Rachel is so much better then any hawk could ever be I still have this little tiny hole deep within my heart that I can never fill again.

So as this new female hawk was busy trying to impress me I decided that this was my chance to ditch her and finally prove to her that I wasn't interested. As she made another dive past me I quickly made a U-turn and instantly headed down below the tree tops. It would take her some time before she could look back towards me after her dive, so I was hoping I could be hidden by then. I dove down below the treetops and began frantically flapping to pick up some speed. I thought that I'd lost her with that move, but as I entered a small clearing I finally had a chance to look back and make sure. And to my horror she wasn't all that far behind me.

My plan then changed from trying to lose her by surprise to trying to out maneuver her. She was a bit bigger than me and, since she was still young, I hoped she wasn't quite as experienced with flying as I was (although I was probably "younger" than she was, but I had a human brain to help me along). I picked up as much speed as I could in the small clearing and flew directly into a relatively thick patch of trees.

Man, what a rush that always was! Branches flying by at a million miles per hour coming from every direction and you're just inches away from slamming directly into them. It was definitely a rush for my human brain, but my hawk brain was simply focused. It didn't like doing it exactly, but it knew it could if it needed to. And switching from calm and focused to an adrenaline high every now and then was really the ultimate rush. Switching made you realize just how exciting it could be since you are constantly reminded of both extremes.

I had quite a few close calls actually. There were a couple of gaps that I really didn't think I could make it through, but somehow I did. The course I charted out was crazy and I knew that there was no way any hawk could focus on following me and missing all the branches at the same time. I don't even think I could've done that if I had to that's how insane it was. And when I finally popped out of the dense forrest section I knew that I had to have lost her. But when I looked back one last time there she was. She was a bit farther back than before, but she was still plenty close enough to follow me.

I couldn't believe it! How she'd done it I still can't figure out, but I had to hand it to her. She was a damn good flyer; probably even better than me actually. I got to see some more of her amazing flying ability later on, but right now I was starting to get frustrated. How was I supposed to lose her if she could follow me through that?

But then I remembered that I had a secret weapon that she couldn't possibly have, a human's brain. All I had to do to lose her was not think like a hawk and act like a human would. She was smart (she proved it time and time again later on), but I didn't think she was that smart. And I had a plan.

By now my wings were starting to burn from all the flapping I had to do, so why not take a break? I headed for another thick patch of forrest, but as soon as I thought she'd just be entering it I flared my wings and began to instantly slow down.

It certainly wasn't my best landing ever, but at least I didn't break anything. (With the air strain on my wings it was definitely possible, also landing sideways probably didn't help either). But I did manage to come to a complete stop in a very short time and distance. A normal hawk would've never attempted such a risky landing, but I could always morph if something happened.

Speaking of morphing I didn't want to take any chances. The surprise landing was good, but I could do better. So the instant a part of me touched the ground I began to morph just to make sure that she'd never even suspect I made a landing. I didn't really have a plan to morph into anything specific, so I began to morph into my most common morph, my human self.

While I was starting to become a shifting blob of mass I managed to catch a glimpse of female who'd been chasing me speed over my head never even giving me a glance. I figured she'd just keep going straight until she finally figured out she lost me, hopefully for quite a long time. But as I was just about finished with my morph I saw her fly by above me again. She was definitely smart for a hawk.

I was a bit disappointed that she decided to circle back around and look for me since that made my ultimate escape a bit harder, but since I was now in my human morph I decided to start walking away from the area. She'd have no reason to think that I was anything more than some human passing through the woods, so I was probably the least of her worries now.

Walking through the forrest without shoes isn't very fun, but that female hawk was persistent! I only intended to walk for a short distance before she finally gave up looking for me, but she circled around the same area she'd lost me in for almost an hour and a half. That left me no choice but to walk some distance to another section of the forrest so I could demorph and hopefully not attract her attention.

I felt a bit bad for having to do this to her though. I mean, she could've very easily broken one of her wings when I made her follow me through the forrest. I probably would've taken her to Cassie's if that would've happened, but I still would've felt horrible about it. I didn't want to hurt her, I just wanted to let her know that I wasn't interested in mating. But it didn't seem like she'd take no for an answer. She was a determined, young, and naïve hawk. She probably never had a mate before either, so she really didn't know how easy it would be to find another one. What she saw in me I had no idea, but it must have been something really good if she was willing to follow me like this.

Once my time limit began approaching and my feet simply couldn't take anymore I cautiously began to demorph. I had made it decently far, but with a hawk's eyes distances suddenly became shorter. She was only a small dot to my human eyes, but I'm sure that with my hawk eyes I could count the feathers on her if I needed to. Nevertheless I had no other options. I had to demorph and I simply wasn't going to walk any farther.

I demorphed and quickly flew back towards my own meadow as far as I could below the tree tops. Once I finally couldn't flap anymore I popped up just about the trees and looked back towards the female hawk. She was only a spec to my hawk eyes now so I figured I'd flown undercover far enough. She wouldn't have been able to tell it was me from this distance, so I calmly flew back to my meadow to get some rest.

I hoped that I had gotten the message across with my actions. I don't know how long she continued to look for me, but I couldn't imagine that she'd try to confront me again. She had worn me out almost completely and I could only imagine what she felt like afterwards. She couldn't possibly still want to be my mate after everything I'd put her through, could she?

Yes, yes she could. I found that out the hard way after she snuck up on me a day or two later. I was trying to be careful and I was keeping an eye out for her, but somehow she managed to pop up right next to me as I was flying along again. What followed was an almost exact copy of what happened the previous day, albeit a bit shorter this time since I knew what to do to lose her. But as she flew past me as a human this time she sort of paused for a second and watched me for a bit before she continued her search. This scared me a bit because I thought, somehow, she might be figuring out what was going on. I thought I was just paranoid after I made it back to my meadow that day, but the next time the whole ordeal happened she followed me for quite awhile before finally leaving me alone in my human morph. Of course after that I morphed into other animals and that seemed to work for a bit, but then she suddenly started to become suspicious of every strange animal she saw.

This went on for about a week and a half. Like I said before she was one determined hawk. Always was and probably always will be. But it all suddenly came to an end one day. And it didn't quite end in the way I was expecting it to.


	4. Chapter 4

It was another beautiful day so I couldn't help but go out for a flight. I had been effectively restricted to my meadow for the past few days because I was so paranoid that the female hawk would find me if I ever left. She didn't seem to have a very good idea where my meadow was though, so at least for now I was safe there. But I knew that if she ever found out where it was it'd be over for me. I'd just have to give up and let her follow me around after that. And if I continued to stay at my meadow for long periods of time then she'd find out where it was eventually when she saw me there. And besides, I was so incredibly bored just sitting there and staring at the same trees the entire time.

So I while I was out on my flight I wasn't all that surprised when I first saw her again. But there was something different about her this time. Normally she'd sneak up on me and I wouldn't see her until it was almost too late to run away (how she always seemed to pull this off I didn't know), but this time she was headed directly for me. And not only that, there was something… different about her that day. I'm still not sure what it was, but there was something that quite literally paralyzed me and drew me towards her. Maybe the hawk part of my mind finally had enough and snapped. Maybe she was just emitting some very strong pheromones that day. Do hawks emit pheromones before they mate? It kinda seemed like she was definitely ready to mate and wasn't going to take no for an answer this time. Was she in heat? Do hawks have heats? I didn't know at the time and I never really bothered to check afterwards, but there was something about her that just made me lose my mind.

The next thing I clearly remember was being perched on a tree branch. I felt almost like I had just woken up and it took me a while to try and remember what had happened. I remembered flying. Then I saw her again. After that it was a bit fuzzy… I fought hard to try and remember what happened and slowly but surely all the pieces began to fall into place. I remembered her catching up with me and flying along with me for a bit. Then I remembered her starting to do the normal moves she had always done to try and impress me. And then… and then… I remembered that I started to follow her example and began to dive along with her. It was like we were dancing in the air. And then… after a bit of that… I remembered spiraling… spiraling while gripping… spiraling while gripping her talons. And then I remembered…

Oh no. OH NO! What had I done?!? I didn't! I couldn't have! I shouldn't have! But I did. The memory came back more vivid then I ever wanted it to be. And sure enough, as I looked over to my side, there she was simply sitting on the branch next to me. I had mated with her. I had mated with another hawk!

_No…_ I said out loud not caring who heard me, _NO! I didn't! I DIDN'T!_ But I wasn't even fooling myself anymore. I already knew the horrible truth. I had done exactly what I had promised myself I would never do.

My first reaction was that I had to get away. I had to leave everything that reminded me of what I did. I had to leave this area and I had to leave her. I guess I thought that if I didn't acknowledge that it happened it really wouldn't have. Being in the area and in her presence as well made it seem all too real. If I could get away then perhaps I could just convince myself it was a crazy dream.

I instantly jumped off the tree branch I was on and crazily began to flap. Where I was going I didn't know and it didn't really matter either. I just wanted to get as far away as possible. I needed to get as far away as possible

After flapping for a while and getting a good distance away I took a look back. I was half expecting her to be following me like she'd done obsessively for the past week and a half, but she wasn't. She was watching me, probably interested in what I was doing, but she wasn't following me. She didn't have to anymore. She'd already gotten what she wanted from me.

I turned back around and flew. I flew for quite a while. I was trying to run away from everything; trying to make it all seem distant, like a dream or something. If I could just get far enough…

But as hard as I tried I just couldn't escape it. And eventually it caught back up to me in all it's horrendous glory. And when it did I quite literally exploded inside. I had screwed up. I had screwed up bad! What was I going to do?

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to land. The vivid memory of what I'd just done was swirling around in my head and I couldn't stand to be a hawk any longer. As a human I would've never done something like that. But as a hawk…

I didn't land so much as fall to the Earth. And as soon as I hit the ground I began to demorph. I wanted nothing more to do with my hawk body anymore. I never wanted to morph into it again. I couldn't stand living with what I'd done with it. Maybe if I became a human _nothlit_ Rachel would…

Oh no, Rachel! What would she think? What would she say?!? I couldn't stand to lose her! She was one of the only things I had in my life which I truly cared about. If she decided to leave me then I didn't know what I'd do. I needed her more than anything else in the world. And if she decided to leave me because of this then… then… I didn't know what might happen.

I guess I got a taste of it after the war was over, but by then, well, the war was over. I didn't have to watch everyone's back in a battle anymore. I didn't have to do any more surveillance. It was hard enough living without Rachel after the war was over, but if I had lost her while the war was still going on I knew for a fact that we would've lost. Not just because Rachel wasn't there to fight but because both Rachel and I wouldn't have been able to fight. I would've either slipped into the same hermit-like behavior I'd gone into after the war or I just wouldn't have been able to focus on whatever I was supposed to be doing during a mission. Either way it would've been the end of the Animorphs, I'm sure of it.

So as soon as I was human enough to cry I began to cry. I cried for a whole bunch of different reasons, but at that moment I just cried because I wanted to cry. I had broken Rachel's trust and cheated on her, something I promised never to do. And not only did I hurt Rachel I also might have just ended our relationship as well. And it was all my fault! If I had more self-control this never would've happened. I was such an idiot! I had proven time and time again that I could resist my hawk urges, but this one time, the most important time of my life, I screwed up everything I worked so long and hard to get right. I was an idiot!

But maybe I didn't have to tell Rachel. I highly doubt anyone else saw what I did, so I was the only one who knew about it now. If I could just keep this a secret…

Who was I kidding? I couldn't keep something like this a secret! After my offspring have hatched I won't have any free time to…

Oh no! Offspring! How was I supposed to deal with them now! I was 15! I wasn't supposed to have offspring yet! Especially not offspring from an entirely different species! I wasn't ready. What if something happened to one of them because of something I did? I would feel horrible!

But what if Rachel didn't want to me to be anywhere near them or the female hawk that I mated with ever again? No matter what it took I was going to do anything to keep Rachel from breaking up with me, so if that's what she wanted then I'd have to do it. But… but… could I really do something like that? Let some innocent baby hawks die because I just didn't want to take care of them? And what about the female hawk? As far as I'm concerned she had kind of raped me, but I still didn't want anything bad to happen to her. She had trusted me for whatever strange reason with helping her raise our offspring, so could I really just try and ignore her? How would I even begin to do that? She'd see me eventually and she'd find a way to make me help… just like she did when she wanted to mate. Could I break Rachel's trust again like that?

I didn't know. I just didn't know the answers to questions like that. And more importantly I didn't know what to do. I knew that I couldn't keep this hidden from Rachel or anyone else for that matter so I had to tell her. But how? When? What would I say? How would she react? How could I prepare?

That's part of the reason I was crying as well. There were so many conflicting things going around in my head that I just couldn't figure out what to do. I wasn't ready to talk to Rachel yet, I was pretty sure of that. I needed someone's help to do that. And the first person I thought of was Cassie. Not only was she Rachel's best friend and probably knew her just as good as I did, but she was also our animal expert. And she definitely had some previous experience with hawks. If anyone would know what to do it'd be her.

Relieved that I finally had some sort of a plan I finished up my crying (it was harder than it sounds really) and slowly began to morph back into my hawk form. I know that I said I wanted nothing more to do with it, but that was before I needed it again. I had no idea where I was and the only way I could figure it out was from the air. Not to mention that distances were covered much easier from the air then from the ground.

After getting my bearings (I had flown a good distance away from just about everything I knew. I was only able to figure out where I was by following a stream that looked familiar to me back to an area which I knew) I began to make my way towards Cassie's house. Judging by the position of the sun it was just around the time that school had let out, so Cassie should be home by the time I got there. I just hoped she knew what to do because I certainly didn't.


	5. Chapter 5

When Cassie's house finally came into view I was having second thoughts about telling her what happened. I didn't have anything against Cassie, I just didn't want to talk about it with anybody really. Most of my flight I'd been thinking about ways in which I could hide this from everybody and I kinda had most of it planned out. But as Cassie's house came into my view it sort of shocked my mind back on course. I could never keep something like this hidden simply because my mate would be very unpredictable. Who's to say she wouldn't follow me to meetings or something like that? How would I explain that to everyone else? I'd been trying to find a way around things like that, but to no avail. And if I did try to cover it up and I eventually got caught then I have very little doubt that Rachel would indeed leave me. If I told her right now then there was still a chance she'd forgive me. I had to hope there was a chance…

But I still hadn't figured out what to say to her. Heck, I still hadn't figured out what to say to Cassie yet! But I hoped that Cassie would be able to help. She was best friends with Rachel and had been for a very long time. If anyone else knew what to do it'd be her.

I swooped down and landed just outside her window like I usually did. I took a look inside and saw Cassie sitting at her desk with a whole bunch of books and notes scattered all over the place. She had her small desk lamp on and she was staring down at a piece of paper with a pencil in her hand. You know, one of the things I never really missed about school was the homework

I gently tapped on the window with my beak to get her attention. She quickly spun around and looked up at me before slowly making her way over to the window and opening it. "Hey Tobias," she said, "what's up?"

_I'm not interrupting you, am I?_ I said sort of awkwardly in response.

"Nah," Cassie said back with a small sigh, "I was just doing some math homework that I think was due a few weeks ago. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew how to factor 4x^2 - 10x – 24."

There was a short pause in the conversation before I said, _4x + 6 and x – 4 I think. That one's kinda tricky so it might be wrong though._

Cassie, with a really surprised look on her face, went back to the paper she was working on and began to write something. All of a sudden she slowly put her pencil down and said, "How did you… Nevermind." She walked back over to me and said, "So, I doubt you're here to help me with my math homework."

I meekly replied, _No actually. I was hoping I could talk with you about something._

"Yeah, sure," Cassie replied, "what's on your mind?"

_Um_, I began, _do you mind if we talk somewhere a bit more private? _Looking back that was kind of a stupid thing to say since her room was pretty private already, but I still needed to figure out how to start the conversation and I was just kinda stalling for more time.

Cassie instantly knew that something was wrong the moment she heard that. I could tell simply by the expression on her face. She took a moment before saying, "Yeah, um, sure. Give me a second." She quickly went back over to her desk and threw some stuff into her bookbag. She then threw her bookbag over her shoulder and made her way out of her room.

I kept my ears trained on Cassie as she made her way though the house. I could hear Cassie say, "Hey dad, I'm going over to Rachel's for a bit. I need some help on my homework."

"Just be back in time for dinner," her dad said as Cassie popped out of the front door. She made her way over to the side of the barn and hopped on her bike before peddling down her driveway and onto the road.

After going roughly a quarter of a mile down the road Cassie looked up at me (I had been following along above her) and I knew exactly what to do. _Up ahead there's some semi-thick underbrush on the side of the road that you could hide everything in. There's also a small clearing that should be hidden from the road a short distance into the woods from there._

I watched as Cassie slowly veered off the road and made her way towards the dense section of bushes. She hid her bike and bookbag before beginning to walk straight into the woods. Once she had almost reached the clearing I swooped down and landed on a fallen log which happened to be in the middle of the clearing. Cassie, who had entered the clearing just as I was landing, sat down right next to me.

"So, Tobias," she began, "what's wrong?" There wasn't even a 'what did you want to talk about', it instantly went to a 'what's wrong?' Sometimes I hated how good Cassie was at reading people.

On the flight over I still hadn't really come up with anything to say, so I decided to simply say what was on my mind. _Cassie, I screwed up_, I said bluntly, _really bad._

"What happened?" Cassie asked quickly, "what did you do?"

_I didn't mean to do it!_, I replied, _I swear! I would never intentionally do something like this, it just kind of happened! All of a sudden I just lost control and before I knew it I had already done it. I had resisted it for almost two weeks, but this time there was something different…_

"Tobias!" Cassie said stopping me in my tracks, "What happened? Is anyone in danger?"

_I mated with another hawk! _I said loudly. If I was a human now would be the time I'd start to cry. But instead there was an eerie silence between the two of us as Cassie thought about what I had said.

"Well," she began after a long silence, "that's great, isn't it?"

_Great?_ I repeated, _GREAT?!? No, it's not great! It's horrible! I've ruined everything! My life, Rachel's life, the Animorphs, the entire human race! It's all my fault! And you think it's great?!?_

"Slow down a bit Tobias," Cassie said calmly. "Now, how is something like this going to ruin all of that?"

_Because when Rachel finds out I cheated on her she'll dump me and I don't think I could live with that so I don't think I could continue to be part of the Animorphs and without me and maybe even Rachel they'll all fall apart and then the Yeerks will take over the planet and turn everyone into slaves!_ I said in one "breath".

Cassie cocked her head to the side a bit and said, "Let's start from the beginning. How do you know Rachel will dump you? Have you told her about it yet?"

Now it was my turn to finally take a pause. _No_, I replied eventually, _no I haven't. I don't know what to say to her. That's why I came to ask you. You're her best friend. If anyone would know the best way to break news like this to Rachel it'd be you._

"You're her boyfriend," Cassie said back, "If anyone would know what to do it should be you." I knew that she didn't mean anything by it, and looking back on it now she was right, but that just wasn't the response I was looking for.

_But I don't know what to do_, I said back probably sounding like I was almost begging. _I need your help Cassie! I don't want our relationship to fall apart. If it does then who knows what might happen to me, Rachel, or even the Animorphs because of it. I know it might already be too late to prevent that from happening, but I just want to tell her that I'm sorry for losing control. I'm sorry for cheating on her and I swear I would never do something like that if I had control. Something just… snapped inside me and before I knew it I had already done it. I just want her to know that I'm sorry and that I'm willing to beg for her forgiveness.._

There was yet another small pause in the conversation before Cassie began to speak again. "I've known Rachel for quite a long time, and I thought I knew her pretty well before the war started, but this war has changed quite a few things including her. Sometimes I wonder how the Rachel I see today could've been hidden away beneath the Rachel I use to know. I can't promise it'll all go your way once you tell her, but the old Rachel respected honesty. If you want to tell her, and I suggest you do as soon as possible, be as honest as possible. Tell her exactly what happened, why it happened, and how you feel about it. I'm not sure how she'll react to the news at first, but if you give her some time then I'm sure she'll come around eventually."

I guess I was hoping Cassie would tell me some magical thing I could say in order to get Rachel to forgive me, but that's not exactly what happened. I was a bit disappointed actually. I also realized at that moment that I already knew everything Cassie had just told me. I knew I had to tell Rachel as soon as possible and I had to be as sincere as possible, but I was hoping for something more… foolproof I guess. But deep down I knew things like that didn't exist. The only way to get out of this was to be honest and that's just what I was going to have to do.

_You're right_, I said back to Cassie, _I have to tell her the truth. But I just don't know how._

"Just go with what your heart tell you to say," Cassie said sounding like one of those cheesy cartoon characters in a Disney movie for a minute. "You'll know what to say once it comes time to say it."

_Did you get that from a Disney movie?_ I asked out of curiosity.

"I think it was from a valentine card actually," she said back, "but that doesn't make it any less true. Just say what you want to tell her. Don't sugar coat it, don't try and hide pieces of it, just say it."

I took a small pause before saying, _You sure about this Cassie?_

"It's your best shot," Cassie said back.

_Alright,_ I replied, _I'll give it a shot I guess. It's not like I can come up with anything better. _

Just as Cassie was about to get up and leave I said, _There's something else I wanted to ask you about as well. If Rachel forgives me and she lets me… um… continue being with the female hawk then… well… what should I do? I'm not ready to be a dad. I can't take care of baby hawks. I'm 15!_

"Well," Cassie began, "baby hawks are called eyasses first off. And I'm sure you'll be a great dad. But let's worry about things like that later. For now you should be focused on Rachel."

_Yeah, okay_, I said, not really believing Cassie at that point.

Before I left she placed a hand on my side and said, "Tobias, good luck. And don't worry, I won't tell Rachel we had this talk so it seems like you went directly to her after it happened."

_Thanks a lot Cassie_, I said as I spread my wings open and began to flap for some altitude.

"Anytime," she said as she watched me fly up above the trees and eventually fly out of sight.


	6. Chapter 6

***A little note before I continue on. I didn't know about this next part happening until much later on when Rachel finally told me about it, but for story continuity purposes I decided to stick it in here. I will also be writing this section from Rachel's point of view in order to keep it sounding like a story. She told me about what happened in a decent amount of detail, but I'll try and fill in the gaps in some rational fashion.***

My name is Rachel and I was having a rough day. First I had forgotten my homework, which I had actually done this time, on the kitchen counter before leaving for school. Then we had a pop quiz in geography and I don't think I did too good. Who the hell cares where Botswana is anyway? And to top it all off I had a three page paper due tomorrow on some book I hadn't even started to read yet. By the time I got home I just wanted to sprawl out on my bed and zone out for the rest of the day. But I knew I couldn't do that. So after I got home I fixed up something to eat for myself as well as Jordan and Sarah (my mom left a note that she'd be back late tonight) before I went to my room and began to read the most boring book I'd ever read.

By the time Jordan and Sarah had gotten home I was basically brain dead in front of the book. I didn't even remember the title it was that boring. So I skipped ahead to the last chapter and read it before throwing the book aside. I still didn't have any idea what it was about, but somehow I had to write a paper on it. I've done it a few times before so I knew I could at least get something down.

Just as I was finishing the opening paragraph I heard the phone ring. I crossed my fingers that it wasn't for me, but when I heard Sarah call out, "Rachel, Cassie's on the phone," I knew I had pretty much lost my chance to finish my paper. Reluctantly I put my pencil down and made my way over to the phone.

"Hey Cassie," I said into the phone as cheerfully as possible when Sarah handed it to me. I took it into my room with me and closed the door.

"Rachel," Cassie said sounding strange, "I was debated wether or not to call you, but I think it's best if you're prepared ahead of time. Tobias is on his way over an he has something important to tell you. I won't say anything specific about it since he should be the one who tells you, but I just want to warn you that it might be a bit... shocking to you once you hear it. Before you say or do anything in response just take a step back and think about things for a bit. Think about what Tobias said and how he said it before doing anything you might regret. He loves you Rachel, he loves you a lot. He would never intentionally do something like that on purpose. The only reason I know about it is because he came to me first and asked me what the best way to tell you about it was. Just give him a chance to explain himself before reacting, please. He's very shaken up about it himself and I'm scared that if you do something drastic he might completely fall apart. Just listen to him okay? He convinced me very quickly that he was sorry and I know he'll convince you too if you let him." And that was it. She didn't even say goodbye before she hung up the phone.

I, on the other hand, simply stood there like an idiot holding the phone to my ear as the dial tone simply rang and rang. I was a bit shocked to say the least. What could Tobias have done that would cause Cassie to worry about my reaction like this? I really couldn't imagine him being capable of anything like that even if it was an accident. This was the last thing I needed today!

So after finally snapping back into reality I went and put the phone back before plopping back down at my desk. I had no idea how I was supposed to concentrate on my paper now. I did nothing but stare at the wall behind my desk and think about what Tobias could've done until I heard that familiar tapping on my window.


	7. Chapter 7

Man, that was the longest flight to Rachel's house ever! All along the way I kept thinking about how things could possibly go wrong, and by the time her house finally came into view I was... I was scared. I didn't want to tell Rachel. I didn't want our relationship to end. Right now she knew nothing about what I had done (or so I thought at the time anyway) so in her mind everything was still perfect. Why did I need to come in and ruin that perfectness? I never really thought that the saying 'ignorance is bliss' was all that accurate before, but now I began to see what they had been talking about. If I didn't tell Rachel about what I did then we could still be together if only for a short amount of time. If I did tell her though then there was a very good chance that she'd want nothing to do with me anymore right there on the spot. So, as I saw it at that moment, my two options were to hide the truth from her and get to be with her a bit longer or tell her now and lose her now. It was obvious what I wanted to do, but for some reason I kept flapping in the direction of her house. Before I knew it I was perched on her windowsill.

I peered into the room and saw Rachel, as beautiful as ever, sitting at her desk and staring up at the wall. She was in a very similar position to Cassie when I first saw her, but Rachel didn't quite have the same amount of books and notes open. She looked like she was writing an essay and not just doing regular homework. And sure enough as I looked around by her bed there was a book lying sprawled out beside it.

I hate to admit it, but that book gave me the chance I was looking for; the chance to escape. Rachel was obviously busy writing a report so I'd have to come back later. I didn't want to disturb her train of thought or anything like that by interrupting her. My outside was overjoyed that I had found an excuse to not talk to Rachel, but as I started to turn around on the windowsill my inside began to bother me. It wasn't much unfortunately, but it was enough. You see, as I was momentarily distracted by my inside yelling at me for leaving I momentarily took my concentration off of turning around. And it just so happened that a nice gust of wind hit me right while I was in mid-turn which knocked me off balance. The gust intended to blow me straight off the windowsill so I leaned back towards the house, but with part of my mind being occupied I overcompensated. Before I could stop it my head slammed directly into the glass.

Rachel quickly snapped back out from wherever her mind was and spun around to see me in the window before I could take off. That's when I knew there was no hiding it anymore. Rachel had seen me so there was no way I could escape now. She got up from her desk and made her way towards the window.

"Hey Tobias," she said as she opened the window, "what's up?" I didn't notice it at the time, but she sounded a bit... off. It was almost like she was expecting me to give her some bad news.

_Rachel_, I said while trying to muster up as much courage as I could, _I need to talk to you._

"Yeah," she responded a bit hesitantly, "okay. Is something bothering you?"

_Do you mind if we go somewhere a bit more private? _I said before my brain could say anything stupider.

Rachel reacted a lot like Cassie did as she said, "Alright." She carefully closed the window and grabbed her bookbag from the desk before making her way out of the room. As with Cassie I kept my ears trained on her as she made her way through the house.

"Hey Jordan!" I heard her call out after going down the stairs, "I've gotta head to Cassie's for a bit to help her with her homework. You're in charge until I get back. Just grab something out of the fridge if you're hungry." It's amazing how we're all starting to think alike after fighting together for so long. Or maybe it's just because the homework excuse never fails...

"Okay Rach," I heard Jordan yell back. Not long after that Rachel popped out of her front door and made her way to the side of her house towards her bike. Before she got on it I could see her mouth the words 'usual spot' with a questioning look on her face.

_Yeah_, I said back to her, _usual spot._ Nodding once she heard me she hopped on her bike and began pedaling.

Rachel and I had this spot that we usually went to whenever we needed to talk which was very similar to the spot Cassie and I had used not long ago. It was a bit further down the road though since Rachel lived in a more populated section of town, but it was almost the same size and distance away from the road. But it didn't have a natural fallen log to sit on so we had to artificially drag one in. It was our little spot to talk whenever we needed to talk for an extended period of time. And now we were going to be using it for the last time. At least that's what I was thinking at the moment.

So after a bit of flying and a bit of peddling from Rachel we finally made it to our spot. As soon as Rachel had hidden her things by the road and I was sure the coast was clear I dove on down to the clearing. I reached it a bit before Rachel did, but that gave me time to morph into my human form. I knew that I wouldn't get the necessary emotional response from either Rachel or myself in hawk morph, so my human morph was the only real way to go. I knew I was going to cry from the very moment I decided to morph, but I needed to. I could only hope that it showed Rachel how bad I felt about everything and how sorry I was. And just as I was finishing my morph she finally entered the clearing and sat down next to me.

"So, Tobias," she began cautiously, "What is it you wanted to talk about?" This was it. This was the moment of truth. How I acted in the next few minutes could very well decide the fate of the human race. But I still had no idea what to say...

I took a big breath of air before I finally said, "Rachel, I'm sorry. I've screwed up. Really badly." She just looked at me like she was expecting me to continue on. I didn't disappoint her.

"I never meant to do it, I swear!" I continued while trying to hold back my tears. "I was fine one minute and then the next thing I knew it was already over. It was like someone had put a spell on me or something which made me totally lose control. You know I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you! I would never dream of doing anything like this if I had complete control. But at that moment something happened and I..."

At this point Rachel started to get a bit impatient at all my attempts to evade the truth. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Tobias, what happened? What did you do?"

"I mated with a female hawk!" I screamed out before bursting into tears.

"You did WHAT?!?" I heard Rachel yell back shortly. It was at that moment I knew that I had lost her. Just the tone of her voice implied that she was incredibly hurt and disgusted by what she'd just heard. I couldn't really blame her. The thought of your boyfriend not only having sex with someone else but getting them pregnant as well must have been quite a shock to hear. And it wasn't even from the same species! I could only imagine what I would do if Rachel said she was pregnant with puppies or something like that!

After hearing Rachel's reaction to the news I instantly began to unleash a fury of apologizes. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I'm pretty sure I covered every excuse and apology possible. But I wouldn't have been surprised if Rachel hadn't heard or understood any of them since I was too busy crying to worry about how my words were coming out.

As soon as I began crying I buried by face in my hands. I had so much shame and guilt that I couldn't even look at Rachel anymore. And I can't say that I really wanted her to see my face in the dreadful state I was in either. She had taken her hand away from my shoulder when she heard the news as well so I had no actual contact with her anymore. I don't know if it was just my imagination or not (Rachel and I had never really discussed this part in any detail afterwards) but through my cries I swore that I could hear Rachel get up and start to leave the clearing. Human ears are much less sensitive than a hawk's ears, but due to all the time I spent as a hawk I began to learn how to control my senses better. And I swear to this day that I could hear Rachel get up and walk out of the clearing while I was crying like a baby.

And that just gave me a reason to cry more, so that's what I did. I just cried and cried. I cried for a whole host of reasons, but the main one by far was because I had lost Rachel. I had dreaded this from the start, but up until it actually happened I had no clue how I would really react or feel. Well, I felt empty. I had just lost the most important part of my life and now I felt as if I had nothing else to live for. Without Rachel my life would be nothing. I couldn't just get over her or find another one. There wouldn't be another one! She was the first one who showed that they really cared about me and that is irreplaceable. She was perfect in every way and even if I could find someone else like that it would never be the same. She was Rachel, MY Rachel! But due to my own lack of self control I had lost her. I was such an idiot!

If things had continued on that way I guess that I would've done very close to what I did when Rachel died. I felt like I had no real reason to live anymore so I stopped trying so hard to do so. It was only my hawk instincts that kept me alive during that time and that same instinct would have probably lead me the same way this time as well. I would've become just another hawk among the many other hawks in the woods. Lost in a sea of apparent similarity. But that would've been if I demorphed in time.

I lost all track of time as I cried on that log. I had no idea how long I'd been in morph and it really didn't matter to me either. I most likely would've cried for hours on end until I finally became a human _nothlit_; just like Rachel had always wanted. But since Rachel wouldn't have wanted me anymore I'm not really sure what I would've done. I hate to think about it, but if I had really found myself in that situation I probably would've done something quite drastic. There was no purpose or desire for me to go on living as a human at all so why should I even bother? I had attempted suicide just before I finally came to terms with being a hawk, so there was no reason to doubt that I might do it again. But luckily none of those scenarios ever had to happen.

I had been crying for some time before I suddenly but gently felt someone's hand get placed on my shoulder. It didn't take me long to figure out who it was. I knew that hand. It felt exactly like I knew it should feel. Rachel had come back!

As soon as I was sure it was her I spread my arms out wide and, for lack of a better term, lunged and bear-hugged Rachel as fast and tight as possible. I heard her gasp as I knocked the air out of her lungs, but she made no attempt to loosen my grip. I just cried into her shoulder as she slowly put her hands around me to return the hug.

I cried for a good long while while holding on to Rachel. I just couldn't help it. I had so much emotion running through me that I'd stored up throughout the day and I needed to let it out. Rachel seemed content with letting me cry as she gently patted my back to comfort me. I guess I came off as a bit more pathetic than I would've liked, but the only thing that mattered at that moment was that I had Rachel back. I tried to say that I was sorry while explaining things again to her, but I knew that it wasn't coming out as anything understandable early on. Rachel just gave me a a comforting, "Shhhhh," and that was enough to get me to stop for the time being. Once my tears finally began to subside I took a few deep breaths and tried one last time.

"Rachel," I began, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot. I know I have to take responsibility for what I've done, but you have to believe me when I say I really didn't mean to do it! That female hawk had been following me for almost two weeks and I tried everything I could think of to let her know that I wasn't interested in mating. But she just wouldn't leave me alone! And then... this morning... I... I... I don't know what happened, I really don't. But I know that I lost control of myself and that I never should've let it happen. I thought I was stronger than that and I'm really sorry that I wasn't. I never wanted to mate with another hawk. I knew that it would be a bad idea from the start. Not only because you're already my girlfriend, but the logistics of the whole thing just don't work out. How am I supposed to take care of my offspring and the female hawk while I'm on a mission?"

I took a deep breath before I continued. "I never meant to hurt you Rachel and I never meant to cheat on you either. My hawk instincts just took over, but it was still my fault for not being able to stop them. I probably deserve whatever you think of me now. I've been a horrible boyfriend and I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you though. I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm sorry. If you want me to never see that female hawk again I'll find a way to make it happen. If you want me to have nothing to do with the offspring either then I'll find a way to do that. Hell, if you want to cheat on me with someone then you can go ahead. I love you Rachel, more than anything else in the world, and I don't think I can stand to lose you... Especially to something as stupid as this!"

It was at that point I began to cry once more. I just buried my head into Rachel's shoulder again as she continued to pat me on the back. Then, once my crying had slowed down again, she began to speak.

"I always had a feeling something like this would happen," she said softly. That definitely caught my attention. "I'm surprised you held out this long actually," she continued. "I can only imagine what it must be like to have instincts like that running through your head all the time. We've all done morphs which are hard to control and I know first hand what instincts can do. I've been trying to deny it for the longest time, but the truth is that you're at least part hawk now. And no matter what either of us do you'll always be that way. Only now have I really come to accept it. I was hoping that you would be able to fight off urges like these, but I guess that shows how much I know about being a hawk. I wouldn't say that I'm thrilled at the news exactly, but I'll make you this promise. As long as you don't allow this to change anything between us then I won't let this change anything between us either. I can see that you're sorry and I forgive you."

I really can't describe how happy I felt at that moment. I hadn't lost Rachel and she'd even forgiven me! This was the best news I'd ever heard in my life! It was almost like it was too perfect. There had to be a catch somewhere...

Nevertheless I hugged Rachel tightly and said, "Thank you. Thank you so much Rachel! I'll do anything you want to make up for it. You want me to never see the female hawk again? Done! I'll find a way to do it, I promise! I could just..."

"Cassie would kill me if she ever found out I told you to do that," Rachel said cutting me off, "and I don't want you to abandon her either. She needs you Tobias. Without you she doesn't stand a chance and neither do your... um... kids. I know I must sound a lot like Cassie right now but I don't want to be responsible for killing a female hawk and her babies. I've killed a lot of things in this war and I don't want to kill any more than I have to. And besides these are going to be YOUR children. I know that you'll be a great dad and raise them to be great hawks in their own right. I wouldn't expect any less from you."

I needed to take a moment to let everything Rachel said sink in. She told me later that she probably came off a bit more supportive of the idea than she was really feeling at the time, but at that moment she told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Not only had Rachel decided to remain my girlfriend after I had cheated on her but she had promised me that if I didn't let anything change between us then she wouldn't either. Not only that, but she was even supportive of the family I had made with the female hawk and encouraged me to continue it. In my eyes things couldn't have gone better.

I squeezed Rachel tightly before saying, "I love you so much Rachel."

"I love you too Tobias," Rachel said back.


	8. Chapter 8

Rachel and I remained in our clearing for some time after that. We just continued to hug for the most part, but every now and then I came out with another apology and Rachel just told me not to worry about it. Eventually though we parted and Rachel said that she had to get back home. We gave each other one last kiss before she began to make her way out of the clearing and I began to demorph. I flew all the way back to her house with her just because I was happy I still could. After she finally made it back I apologized one last time before finally saying goodbye and flying off in the other direction.

That's the moment that my mind finally turned away from Rachel and began to focus on... well... my mate. It felt very strange to think about her like I did at that moment though. I had been trying to avoid her for the past two weeks and I would've done anything to get rid of her, but in the past few hours things had turned around completely. Not only did Rachel forgive me for mating with her, but she also wanted me to raise my offspring like a normal hawk father would do.

The female hawk and I had a lot of catching up to do if we were going to do this right. I had been, for all intensive purposes, a huge jerk to her. I know that I was trying to prevent her from mating with me, and I was shocked that she continued trying to do so after everything I did, but now that things had turned out this way I think I owed her a bit of an apology. I even flew out on her soon after we mated which must have been a really big insult to her. That was probably the rudest thing I could've done at that moment. She was probably having second thoughts about mating with me since hasn't seen me since. I know that she's just a hawk and I was probably looking too far into all these emotions that she probably wouldn't have, but that's no reason to treat her like I did. I never wanted to hurt her but, at least in my opinion anyway, I had done just that. And I was going to find a way to make it up to her!

But that would have to wait for the next day. After I left Rachel's house there was only enough light for me to find my way back to my territory. Although I did catch a decent sized squirrel on the way back I still didn't want to risk going to look for the female hawk until the next morning. Heck, she was way better at finding me then I was at finding her anyway. And with all the flapping I'd have to do and all the owls I'd have to avoid I didn't see much of a reason to find her at that moment. Besides, she was probably already sleeping herself. Tomorrow morning we could start fresh with our relationship and, well, begin building a nest I guess. That was what my hawk mind was telling me to do anyway. So when I finally made it to my field I perched up in my tree and started to get some sleep. I hated to admit it, but I was kinda looking forward to tomorrow.

As soon as the sun rose the next morning I woke up and began to search for my mate. Luckily I had a big dinner the night before so I didn't feel too bad about skipping breakfast. I figured that we could share something to eat between us once I found her. It would be something like our first meal together; It'd be kinda "romantic" for us to share our first meal together.

I had basically no idea where I was going though. I mean, she had always found me when she needed to. It was never the other way around. I had a vague idea where her territory might be, but other than that I had nothing to go on... except... The first place I decided to look was the last place I'd seen her; the place that we'd mated. It was worth a shot. So as soon as I was in the air I pointed myself in that direction and began flapping.

Along the way though I spotted something interesting. I was cruising just above the trees when something suddenly caught my eye. I circled around to get a closer look and realized it was just a stick. But it wasn't just any stick. It was THE stick! The perfect stick to use as a base in a hawk's nest. Don't ask me how I knew it was the perfect stick, I just did. To this day I still can't tell you what was so special about it, but my hawk brain knew I had to have it. So I swooped down in between the trees and grabbed it firmly in my talons. This would be the perfect way to apologize to my mate for treating her like I had! So as soon as I had a firm grip on the stick I continued to make my way towards the last spot I'd seen her.

And guess what? It just so happened that she was there! It was almost as if she was waiting for me to come back! As I slowly got closer to the spot I'd seen her last I began to see enough detail in the distant trees to make out the outline of a hawk. And it wasn't long after that before I was sure it was her. Of course she also saw me coming around the same time. And when she saw what I was holding in my talons she also knew exactly what it was for. She wasted no time in taking off from the tree she was perched in before beginning to fly in my direction.

Once we met up we exchanged a few dips, dives, and rolls between each other. It's basically like a hawk's way of saying hello or even kissing I guess. And I also wanted to show her that I was going to get serious about our relationship. No more running and no more hiding. I had mated with her and now I was ready to begin then next part of the process. The maneuvers I did up in the sky were more than just a greeting, they were a sign of my commitment. At that moment I promised to be the best mate and parent I could be to her, and only after that moment did I feel like we were finally a couple.

I really can't explain why I was feeling so... drawn to my mate at the time. I'd like to blame it all on the hawk part of my brain, but I really don't know if I could. The truth is that after I was sure everything would be okay with Rachel I finally realized what was really going to happen. I was not only going to be a father but I was going to be a husband as well. Sure I was a bit scared at the thought, but I was also a bit excited. This was something new and interesting that I had been wanting to try ever since I became a hawk. To get a mate and make babies just felt... right. I knew I was supposed to do it in order to further the hawk species, but I still think there was more than that to it.

You see, one of the main reasons that I loved Rachel so much was because she was the first one to show me that she really cared about me. I'm sure the other Animorphs cared about me as well, but none of them showed it quite like Rachel did which is why I always think of her as being special. But then this female hawk had to come along and insist that I mate with her. In a kind of weird way she also cared about me tremendously. She cared enough that she wouldn't take no for an answer and continued to follow me until she got what she wanted. And even after I had done everything in my power to avoid her over the past almost two weeks she didn't seem resentful towards me at all. She still wanted us to be mates and she wanted us to build a nest and raise a family together. Call me crazy, but in my eyes she cared about me a lot. And that was one of the main reasons that I... I loved her. It was a different love than Rachel and I shared, but it was still love in it's simplest form. And that's why I wanted to be with her and raise the best family we possibly could.

She was apparently more eager to get things started than I was though. As soon as we greeted each other she made a quick turn and began flying North. Being a bit curious as to where she was going I decided followed her. And when I flew on up beside her I instantly knew that she'd intended for me to follow her. She increased her pace a bit so she was just slightly ahead of me and I settled on in behind her.

It didn't take long for her to reach her intended target. And when she landed near the top of a decently sized oak tree I knew what she was trying to tell me. I could do nothing but agree; This tree was a perfect spot to build our nest.

We had kind of a late start on the whole "mating" thing and we were a brand new couple, so it was obvious that we wouldn't be getting any prime nesting locations. But this spot that she had picked out seemed good enough on it's own. It was nice and high to protect against anything from the ground and it had the nicest little split in the main trunk that would be a perfect place to brace a nest against. In fact there was a fairly deteriorated nest sitting in that exact spot which just proved that this site would work. But the nest didn't look all that salvageable and, to be honest, I wanted to build a fresh new one to commemorate the fresh new bond between my mate and I.

She was just as eager to begin as I was, and before I knew it she was already attacking the old nest to finish it off. I helped a little bit as well, but the old nest didn't really need all that much help in the first place. Removing a few of the main structural supports was all it took before she gave it a good push and watched it fall to the ground. Now all that was left was to put the stick I'd found in the right place and we could begin building our own nest. My hawk brain knew exactly where it went and it fit perfectly. But after I'd placed it I knew this was no time to rest. I had a job to do. So I quickly took off from our nest site and began to search for more good sticks. What I was looking for I wasn't quite sure, but my hawk brain would know when I saw it.

And that was basically how I spent my entire day. I would go out searching for a stick we needed and when I found it or something like it I would bring it back to the nest. Then my mate would carefully weave it into the nest while I went out and searched for another stick. But I didn't just search for sticks exclusively. It took a while since my mind was preoccupied with building a nest, but eventually I began to get hungry. I hadn't eaten all day and I didn't know when my mate had eaten either, but we were both pretty hungry. Luckily for me I managed to spot and catch a decent sized rabbit on one of my trips out. I took it back to our nesting site and we both began to dig in almost instantly. It was the first meal we shared together and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

By the time the sun began to go down our nest wasn't completely finished but it was getting close. We had worked fast today and most of the main structure of the nest was already done. We just had some cosmetic and cushioning work left to do.

I was extremely tired from flying all over the woods and back so many times today that I didn't even want to fly back to my own territory to sleep. And, even though she didn't do much flying, my mate was also looking a bit tired as well. I guess building a nest is more tiring than I thought. So once the sun began to go down we both decided to sleep together on a branch that was right next to our nest. That way no owls would try and take it from us during the night. Before we fell asleep though we preened each other's feathers. It's hard to really relate that to anything a human couple might do, but if I had to try it would be like a couple climbing into bed and snuggling together for the night. But it was more than that. It was also done to thank the other for doing such a good job during the day. And, as always, it would help make it easier to fly in the morning.

The next day we didn't quite finish the nest, but that didn't mean we didn't work hard. Every part of my body ached as the sun began to set, but the nest was almost done so it was worth it. We had really made good time on it, especially when my mate also began searching for twigs close to the nest at the same time. The only thing left to worry about was the inner lining and I had a crazy idea on what to do about that.

The next morning, after my mate had caught us both breakfast (she woke up earlier than I did), I flew off to the junkyard. I had seen a few interesting things there, but the one I was most interested in now was a leather couch. It had a few holes and had seen better days, but it looked so comfy! I couldn't resist trying it out as a human one day so I did, and it had to be the comfiest couch I'd ever sat on. So what better material to line, pad, and insulate my nest with than a leather couch? I can almost guarantee that we'd be the only pair of hawks that had a leather lined nest in the entire world.

Once I swooped down into the junkyard I morphed into my human morph and began to look for something sharp (not all that hard in a junkyard with various bits of twisted metal strewn about). Once I found something I could use I flipped over the worst looking cushion and began to cut out a circle about four feet in diameter (as big as I could really). That would be enough to cover the entire bottom of our nest as well as the sides with a little bit extra to lean over the edges. That would make for super easy cleanup whenever we needed to push something out of the nest. Next I cut out about a two foot circle of foam from the cushion so I could place on the bottom of the nest. Once I had everything cut out I wrapped the foam circle in the leather and tied together with a small piece of string that I could hold on to. Once that was done I demorphed back to my hawk form, picked up my package, and began to fly back to my nest.

Needless to say my mate was very curious when I returned carrying a large brown circle. But since she trusted me she just stepped aside and watched as I began to try and cut the string with my beak. After a bit of struggling I finally managed to cut and remove the string (not an easy task without hands and fingers), but as a result of my cutting the string both the foam and the leather fell off the tree and landed on the ground. My mate just looked on slightly amused as I went to pick up the foam first.

I had cut the piece of foam a bit too big, but with some on site trimming with my beak (it tasted horrible in case you were wondering) I managed to fit the foam circle tightly into the bottom of our nest. And as I swooped down to collect the leather piece I saw my mate shimmy over and take a peak at the foam inside the nest, but I was back up with the leather before she could touch anything. It took a bit of work getting the large piece of leather in place and pushed down into the nest, all the while my mate looking on curiously, but when it was finished it was all worth it. The leather circle was the perfect size and about six inches draped over the side of the nest around the perimeter. The only problem that I hadn't thought about was the wind though. If we got a nice breezy day before my mate laid her eggs then the leather could easily fly off. I could fix that by wrapping some string tightly around the perimeter to secure the leather in place, but I knew it would be impossible to do as a hawk. I'd have to wait until my mate left the area before I could morph and make the necessary adjustments as a human. Even though I think she realized that I could turn into a human and various other animals very early on I really didn't like morphing around her. I didn't want to scare her by doing something like that. Who knows what might happen then?

Anyway, after I was finished patting down the leather and was satisfied with my work I finally let my mate see what I had done firsthand. She seemed a bit tentative about everything at first since it wasn't exactly normal nest bedding, but one she finally stepped in and sat down in the nest she realized that it would work just as good if not better than some pine needles and various other "natural" nest bedding. She was always a very smart hawk and she was willing to do things that seemed a bit unorthodox if she liked the results. This was only one of a handful of examples of that.

Either way our nest was finally finished at this point, so all that was left to do was to guard it against anyone else who wanted to use it. Since we had a late start on the whole mating thing there wasn't a whole lot of competition for our nest (actually, I think that my mate had claimed this area way before she even began to "seduce" me. Otherwise there undoubtedly would've been another hawk or owl pair that would've loved to use this tree. It was a good spot to build a nest.) There was an owl who tried to scope out our nesting site one night, but since there were two of us and only one female owl we easily chased her away. Other than that we didn't have any problems. For the most part only one of us guarded the nest at a time while the other either hunted for some food or just got in a good flight to stretch their wings.

A few days after lining the nest I finally got a chance to secure the leather and just in time too. The next day was a very windy day and I was glad I secured the leather down. It held beautifully and I must say it looked pretty nice as well.

My mate was usually the one who insisted on guarding the nest (I blame it on maternal instinct), but I wasn't complaining. This gave me some free time which I desperately needed. I knew that I wouldn't have much if any free time once the eggs hatched so I had to make the most of it now.

Most of my free time was spent with Rachel since I promised that I wouldn't let anything change between us. I tried extremely hard to keep that promise, but I knew it would be impossible. I knew I would have less and less time to spend with her, but I was hoping that she'd understand. At first, after she had some time to calm down and think about things, she told me that she really didn't like the idea of me having babies with a female hawk after all and she was having second thoughts about what she'd told me in our secret spot. I guess I couldn't really blame her. I know I wouldn't have liked it if someone else made Rachel pregnant. But now that a lot of the sudden and explosive emotions were gone from both of us we were able to talk about everything openly and civilly. I was completely honest when Rachel asked me if I was in love with my mate and I told her that in a way I was, but it was a different kind of love. I still loved Rachel just as much as I ever had and was willing to prove it to her any way I could. I don't think she was ever really satisfied with that answer, but I tried really hard to continue showing her the same affection I'd been showing her before I mated with my mate and eventually she came around. By the end of the whole ordeal she actually seemed pretty supportive of my offspring actually. Besides Ax she was the only one that ever knew where my nest was and she flew by a few times to look at the eggs and then the eyasses and then even the fledglings. She always said how cute they were and how good a parent I must be and whatnot. I think she almost looked at them like her own possible children in a weird sort of way. I guess she kinda thought that if I could raise good hawk children that I could undoubtedly raise some good human children as well. Of course she never said anything of the sort, but I could kinda guess from her responses.

The rest of the Animorphs learned what was going on with me at our next meeting, although most of them already knew. I had told Cassie and Rachel personally. Ax grew worried when I suddenly vanished so he went to ask Jake if he knew anything about it. Jake asked Cassie if she knew anything and from there the story made it's way back to Ax. The only one who didn't know was Marco, but since Marco restrained himself quite well after Jake told everyone the situation I think he already knew beforehand as well.

But after Jake had told everyone he asked me the hardest question I ever had to answer. Which was going to come first: The Animorphs or my family? I wasn't ready for a question like that and I was at a loss for words for a long time. I knew what my brain was telling me to say, but I also knew what my heart wanted me to say. Could I really choose? If I was going to be going on a long mission how could I not think about feeding my family? But how could I think about my family if I was supposed to be completely focused on the mission? One wrong move or one lapse in thought would be enough to kill one or possibly all of The Animorphs and end everything we've fought hard to protect.

But by this point in the war I'd seen too much. I couldn't let the Yeerks win after all they've done. And, it still pains me to say this, but I was just a normal everyday red-tailed hawk with a normal everyday mate who could possibly create normal everyday children who grow up to be normal everyday hawks as well. There must have been millions of other mating pairs of hawks out there making millions of new hawks just like my mate and I were trying to do. Would the ecosystem really miss one or two more hawks fighting over limited territory?

The Animorphs needed me more than any mate would. I know I'd feel bad if something happened to my family while I was on a mission, but I also knew it would be much worse to learn about something happening to The Animorphs while I was protecting my family. I knew what I had to say, but it just took me a while to say it.

_The Animorphs come first_, was all I said. Nobody said anything about my decision, but Jake quickly moved on to the next topic so that no one really had a chance to either. Jake wasn't finished talking about me quite yet though. Since it was decided that I would continue to play my part as an Animorph we had to figure out how exactly I was going to do that while still taking care of my family. We talked about it for a little bit before Cassie suggested that we begin storing some reserve meat for me. That way if we were to go on a mission I could leave something for my mate and eventual offspring to eat while I was busy doing what I did. Hopefully it would last until I got back.

I wasn't a huge fan of this idea really for a couple of reasons. First of all store bought meat wasn't the same as freshly caught meat by a long shot. I also didn't think that leaving large amounts of meat out in the open like that was a very good idea either. It would attract way too many predators. Cassie could try and seal it up as good as she could to help limit the smell getting out I guess, but what if my mate or offspring ate the plastic or styrofoam that the meat would undoubtedly be packaged in? Also, what if they didn't like it or didn't view it as edible food? Then what?

But, as it stood now, this was really the only option. The other one was to let my mate fend for herself and I just didn't want to take that risk. I knew there was a lot to be worked out, but I agreed to it nevertheless. It was better than nothing, right?

The next few weeks kinda flew on by, pardon the pun. My mate and I took turns watching the nest against anyone who wanted to steal it, and when I wasn't watching the nest I was usually with Rachel. She still didn't really like the idea of me having a mate at the time, but I was trying hard to show her that she was more important to me than my mate was. It wasn't easy to hide the fact that I was almost constantly thinking about how my mate was doing back at the nest, but I think I did a good job of hiding it most of the time. I never even mentioned my mate unless Rachel specifically asked me about her. And even then I only answered Rachel's question and nothing more. I was really trying to keep things like they were in the past so that Rachel wouldn't even remember that I had mated. Rachel and I did all the things we used to do before I mated and it seemed like everything was finally returning to normal between us. That is until my mate began spending all her time at the nest.

At first I didn't think much of it, but after I reminded myself how much time had passed I began to realize what was really going on. She was about to lay her eggs!

This, of course, was going to change everything. No longer would I have so much free time to spend with Rachel. Feeding myself took up a large portion of my time, so having to feed someone else would be a challenge even for me. I hoped that Rachel would understand when I didn't come to see her as much. I think she ultimately knew what was going to happen though even after all my attempts at trying to hide it from her. Maybe she was just as good at hiding it from me as I thought I was hiding it from her.

But everything didn't truly hit me until I came back to my nest one afternoon. My mate had been spending all her time at the nest so I had been going out to get food for her. She was sitting on the nest like usual, but after I gave her the food I'd caught for her she slowly stood up and let me see the single white egg with black spots underneath her. It was then that everything became "real". Up until then I knew what was going to happen, but I guess it kind of seemed like a dream to me yet. Sure I had mated and built a nest, but I still didn't feel like I was going to be a dad yet. But at that moment, seeing my mate sitting back down on that egg, I realized that it really was going to happen. I was really going to be a father!

I felt… I felt proud. Proud that I had accomplished something as significant as this. I had accomplished something that the deepest parts of my brain solely existed to do. My mate and I had successfully mated and produced an egg, and let me tell you there's no better feeling in the world than realizing you're a father. I knew from that moment on that I was going to do whatever it took to take good care of my offspring… and that I would never eat any eggs ever again. But I also remembered that I had promised to everyone that The Animorphs came first. To be honest I was beginning to second guess my decision at that point. But as the shock and excitement of seeing that first egg began to wear off I eventually came to my senses.

But that wasn't all. I wasn't aware of this at the time, but female hawks don't lay all their eggs at once. I thought that I was just going to have one more mouth to feed once the egg hatched, but as I came back from gathering food for my mate a few days later she showed me yet another egg, and a few days after that she showed me a third. Three eggs! Three eyasses to feed on top of myself and my mate? How was I ever going to do that?

You know, when Ax first heard that I had mated he was unsure if a _nothlit_ could actually mate successfully. He had never heard a case of it happening. But I guess I proved it to him… quite definitively actually. _Nothlits_ seemed just as "potent" as the animal they first acquired…

Anyway, the next few weeks were pretty crazy for me. I knew I had to feed myself and my mate which took up most of my time, but I also knew that I had to spend some time with Rachel. I was sure that I wouldn't be able to see her at all once the eggs hatched, so I had to make the best of it now. I often visited her right after I had caught something for my mate to eat so she'd be happy for a few hours. And by going to see Rachel I was usually skipping my own meal since I didn't want to give any less to my mate. Although it was tough I didn't care. I needed to show Rachel that she was the most important thing to me in the world, and she was definitely more important to me than grabbing some lunch.

We even hung out during the weekends occasionally as well, although not quite as much or as long as we used to. Maybe I just wasn't as good at hiding my worrying anymore or maybe Rachel knew more about it than she was letting on, but I always made it back to my nest with food before my mate had to go and find some for herself. The last thing I wanted her to do was to leave our eggs unguarded. If one of them got eaten by something then I don't know what I'd do.

She didn't guard and incubate the eggs exclusively though. Every now and then (especially after a few weeks of doing it almost exclusively) she wanted to stretch her wings or get her own food so I took her spot at the nest. It always seemed to me like I was wasting time just sitting there when I could be with Rachel or something, but I knew this was very important. I guess it was kind of a nice relaxing change of pace from frantically flying all over the place in search of food. My mate didn't let me do it all that much really, but when she did I was always proud to do it. I mean, I was protecting my kids and keeping them warm. If you've ever had kids before you'd understand. If not, well, I felt really good about it.

But there were also times where my fatherly role was pushed to the limits. I had promised everyone that The Animorphs came first and when a mission came around I couldn't say no. Those were the times that I was really scared about what could happen to my mate and the eggs. It wasn't just the fact that every mission could be my last. It had to do with the fact that I never knew when I would be back. We've had missions where we thought they'd simply be an in and out job, but they ended up turning into day long or even multi-day missions. Very rarely were the long missions any shorter than they were planned to be either. How was I supposed to feed my mate when I could possibly be back in a day or two? Proper planning and some good luck were the only things I could count on.

Whenever we went on any kind of planned mission (there were half a dozen while the eggs were being incubated) I always went to Cassie's to pick up some reserve food. We had decided to try putting the meat in a small circular tupperware container. That way it would stay protected from the elements and all the other carnivores until it was needed. The container itself wasn't all that hard to open and reseal as a hawk and since it was made of durable plastic it wouldn't be easy to break off a piece and eat it along with the meat inside. All I had to do was to teach my mate how and when to open it which, going by her intelligence level, wasn't all that hard.

I had given it a few trial runs before I went on any actual mission though. At first she didn't even see the container had any food and largely ignored it, but after I opened it and took out some meat a few times she began to get the idea. It was obvious to her right away that the meat inside wasn't the best tasting meat (store bought meat just isn't the same as freshly caught meat no matter what), but she did learn that it was food. She found out how to open it herself fairly quickly, but she was never a fan of putting the top back on afterwards. I tried to teach her how to do it right, but she never seemed to have any interest in it. But I guess as long as she got the food she needed out of the sealed container that would have to be good enough.

For the most part the tupperware idea worked pretty well. Whenever I got back from a mission I could see that nearly all of the meat was usually gone and my mate hadn't gone hungry while I was away. It wasn't quite perfect though. After coming home after quite a long mission I noticed that all the meat was gone and my mate instantly flew off the moment I landed to get some more food. She was a bit "angry" (if you could call it that) with me when she got back that I didn't get her enough food, but she got over it rather quickly. There was another time that I came home to find the container on the ground and all of the meat missing from it. I assumed that some other animal had tried to get at the meat since my mate couldn't tell me what actually happened. But overall this idea worked fairly well. Little did I know how much I would need it soon…

After about three and a half weeks had gone by my mate began to get very protective of the eggs. I mean, she wouldn't even let _me_ near them! And I knew exactly why; they were about to hatch. I was just as excited about it as she was, but I couldn't stay and watch it happen. I had to do my part and gather food because food was going to be scarce for the next few months or so.

I did however get to see most of the first egg hatch. When I returned to the nest with some food for my mate I saw her standing up and just outside the nest. I knew immediately what was going on. I swooped on down and landed beside her as we both watched the show. Just a little beak was poking out of the egg at first, but eventually the hole became bigger and more of the head began to pop out. And once the hole was big enough the egg shifted onto its side and began to crack more due to the stress. Before long a wet, tired, and absolutely beautiful baby female hawk had completely emerged from the egg and began asking for some food. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen even if she was all wet and mangy looking. There was no real way to describe what I felt at that moment. Those of you that have had the joy of being a parent and watching the baby be born know what it feels like. It's an overwhelming rush of pride, accomplishment, and deep down pleasure and satisfaction. There's no greater feeling in the world than knowing you were responsible for making something so complex and beautiful. Making the nest was a start, seeing the eggs made it seem real, but this… this brought it home. The sole reason living things exist is for them to reproduce, and boy does it feel good to do so.

As my "daughter" was busy chirping away I looked down at the dead mouse in my talons and then I looked over to my mate. She was the one responsible for all of this, and she had done most of the work when it came to taking care of the nest and eggs. Not to mention that the eggs had come almost entirely from her body as well. So if anyone should have the honor of being the first one to feed our newborn daughter it should be her. I shuffled over a bit and let go of the mouse leaving it right in front of her. She wasted no time in clutching it in her own talon as she began to tear into it going after the good parts first. I wanted to stay and watch my daughter eat her first meal, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that from this moment forward I was on almost non-stop food duty. I did however stay to see her take her first bite of meat (it was the heart of the mouse, the best part) before flying off to search for more.

I didn't get to see a whole lot of the second hatching which happened a day later, but I did get to see an almost identical wet, tired and absolutely beautiful baby male hawk emerge from it's shell. By this point I was already in super food catching mode and it was tough to keep up with just one extra mouth to feed. Now I had two extra mouths and I was being stretched thin. Too thin in fact. They ate like crazy! They were never full! Every time I landed they always began to chirp and open their mouths in anticipation of food. I tried hard to catch something and then hand it off to my mate to dissect and feed to them, but I just couldn't keep up. Unfortunately there were times where my mate also had to leave the nest and help me gather food. Those were the times I got really worried. With no one watching over them they were easy targets for other hawks as well as other predators. My mate and I tried to coordinate it so that we at least checked in with them as often as possible, but it was just craziness. Pure craziness. Both my mate and I barely got anything to eat for a good long time since just about everything we caught was for our offspring. I know it seems kind of mean to say this, but I was sort of relieved when our third egg didn't hatch.

We waited a few days before my mate finally tossed it out of the nest. I came back to see it splattered all over the ground at the foot of the tree. But the egg had only contained a yolk, no hawk. It was a dud from the start. Although it was kind of sad to see it end up on the ground I also knew that this sort of thing probably happened all the time with eggs. And having one less mouth to feed would be a benefit to everyone else.

As crazy as it was it only got crazier when mixing in other things like Rachel and missions. I tried to find time for Rachel, but I think I only saw her a handful of times during this time really. And even though she's not going to be reading this I want to thank her for being so understanding about my situation even though I tried hard not to let her see the effect it had on me. She had told me that she knew what I was going through and she expected it right from the start, but I still felt something strange in her voice. I knew she was still a bit disappointed and maybe even jealous of the fact that I didn't have any time to spend with her, but she hid it well. And even when we did hang out it was never for that long. We only ever stayed together for more than two hours once, and that was close to the end when my offspring were starting to become self-sufficient. But for about two months after the eggs hatched I barely saw her at all. The only time I could see her was either at night (when I was so tired from catching all that food that I just wanted to sleep) or once when I tried out the meat container idea with my newly born offspring, and even then I was so worried about how well it was going to work I couldn't stay for longer than an hour or so.

When I got back to my nest I noticed that the large plastic container of meat was nearly all gone, but my offspring were silent when I landed for the first time ever. My mate was there as well and she looked like she had her fill along with our offspring. There was even a small amount left for me which I gobbled up hungrily. The idea had worked, but it was going to take more than that if I was to go on a mission. Cassie had filled up the container with a lot of meat, but even that only lasted about an hour. Missions usually lasted far longer than that, so Cassie and I were going to have to find a way to get more meat to my nest. After discussing it a bit with her we finally came up with a bigger container that I was just barely able to carry when it was full. I didn't get a chance to test it before our first mission however.

Even though I told Jake that the Animorphs came first I think he sympathized with me a bit. He knew that I was running myself ragged trying to feed my family so, either by design or just by some dumb luck, the missions we went on ended up being a bit shorter than usual.

Still, after the first one was over I raced back to my nest to check on my family. I didn't want anyone else to know it (even though I think they all did), but I was worried about them the entire time. I couldn't wait to get home and see if they were all okay and had enough food. And to make sure that my mate wasn't completely angry at me for just leaving for a few hours I made sure to catch a decent sized squirrel on my way back.

The moment I landed I noticed the container of meat was empty and my mate wasn't around. That was sort of a bad sign, but as soon as I landed both my offspring began to chirp and open their mouths. 'Well, at least I had food for them now,' I thought to myself as I began to tear into the squirrel.

To this day I still don't really know how hungry then usually got without me around. Were they just sort of hungry or were they starving by the time I showed up? I always brought home something for them to eat after a mission, so at least it looked like I was out trying to catch food for most of the day. And I couldn't possibly carry any more food in the container either so that was all I could do while I was out on a mission. Good thing my mate was as good at catching food as I was (and that's saying something!) or else we might have been in real trouble.

There was one time that a quick in-and-out mission unfortunately dragged on for most of the day. I thought I was going to die simply from worrying so much that day. I had left my family the maximum amount of food I could, but I took two if not three times as long as I normally did to get back. And by the time the mission was over it was too dark to hunt anyway, so I had to stop at Cassie's to pick up something to eat. And her dad was in the barn at the time which meant that it took her even longer to get some food. I did eventually make it back to my nest to see that all the meat was gone (no surprise) and my mate looked extremely tired. When I landed everybody woke up and I dished out the meal I had. My kids went back to sleep after eating, but my mate continued to stare at me for a little bit. I know it's kind of stupid to think that a hawk's emotions could be compared to human emotion, but she did seem a bit angry at me for not showing up all day. I couldn't blame her really. I'd be pretty mad if she just got up and left for a day. But in order to try and make it up to her I helped her preen her feathers before we both went back to sleep. She looked a bit rough. She kinda needed it. And after a bit of that she slowly began to help me preen my own feathers as well to show me that she forgave me and still "loved" me. I guess I needed a good preening as well. A long mission will do that to you.

The next two months were just chaos. Feeding everybody was my top priority, but I also had to clean the nest occasionally (eyasses can be pretty messy) and as always I was still an Animorph. Needless to say that when I began to notice the flight feathers coming in on my offspring's wings I began to breathe a sigh of relief.

That didn't mean that they were going to get up and instantly start flying though. It would take time for them to learn everything they needed to know in order to fly. Flying is a pretty hard thing to do really. I'm lucky that the hawk I had acquired had already developed most of its flying technique so I could simply let the hawk mind take control in the beginning. My offspring didn't have the same luxury unfortunately but they were very eager to learn.

As soon as they began to grow their flight feathers they cautiously began to venture out of the nest and onto the branches of the tree. I would always try to get them back into the nest because I was scared about them falling off the tree, but whenever I was gone they took the opportunity to start exploring the tree. Eventually I finally realized that they were getting big enough to handle themselves (probably later than I should have) and I let them wander whenever they wanted to.

Whenever a breeze blew on by they would both always stop what they were doing and instantly face into it. Then they would spread out their wings and pretend to fly. It was so cute to see them doing that, but I also knew they were getting some good practice in. I tried to help them get their positioning right either by showing them myself or by making some adjustments to their position manually, but I guess like most kids they thought they knew better than me and rarely listened. But I knew they'd get it eventually…

I was a bit surprised when I came home one day to find my daughter down on a lower branch. At first I thought she had fallen and grabbed on to the lower branch to save herself, but when she saw me carrying some food in my talons she instantly spread her wings and began flapping like crazy. Slowly, clumsily, and with a lot of effort she finally made it back up to the branch our nest was on. I was so proud of her! She had flown for the first time and I was there to see her do it! And of course her brother wasn't far behind in making his first flight either. It was a major step in their development and it made me feel great to see them actually doing it.

They progressed quickly from flying in quick bursts like that to gliding between branches to making their first contact with the ground to finally catching a thermal and riding it. My mate and I tried to help them learn everything they could, and I'm sure they actually learned a lot from us, but they were usually too busy playing to really focus on learning how to fly better. So that's when I got the idea to go and play with them. It didn't seem to me like something an adult hawk would really do, but I decided to give it a shot. They were skeptical of me at first, but they soon warmed up to me after they realized that they could beat me up much easier than they could beat up on each other.

Tag was always a popular game when they were learning how to fly and that's the one they played most often. Whenever I played I was usually "it" and I had to go and tag them as much as I could. Even though they were much less experienced than I was they were smaller and more maneuverable (sometimes…). There were times they simply out turned me and I couldn't catch them. But I didn't feel too bad about myself, I usually let them win anyway. That's what parents do, right?

But even though I made some time to play with them every now and then I still had to get them some food. They were getting pretty good at flying, but they still weren't very good at hunting. Sure they caught the occasional spider or insect (which was a little disturbing in my opinion really) but they didn't have much luck with catching any real food. I'd seen them try a few times and they both made very crucial mistakes. Again I tried to help them along by showing them how to do it right, but again they preferred to learn on their own. I guess that's just how kids are regardless of species. They did eventually get better at it though.

I remember coming home to find that my son was eating a small mouse one day. At first I thought my mate had given it to him, but I had seen her hunting close to me all day, and when I caught my meal she was still waiting for one herself. There's no way she could've caught something and made it home before I did. The only other explanation was… He had caught it himself!

Yet another rush of pride ran through me as I realized he had caught his first meal! It was then that I finally realized he had truly become a hawk. His sister wasn't far behind him either. Then next day I came home to find that both of them weren't all that hungry and I saw the fresh remains of two mice lying below the tree. My babies were growing up…

They didn't stay around the nest long after that. My daughter was the first one to leave. One day when I left to get some food for myself she was still there, but when I came back she was gone. I thought she might have been out flying since both of them had been taking longer and farther flights from the nest, but when she didn't come back to sleep with the rest of us I knew that she was truly gone. I went out searching for her the next day and found her perched at the edge of a decent looking meadow scanning for any movement in the grass. I swooped down and landed next to her in order to, well, I guess congratulate her on getting such a nice meadow and basically saying goodbye to her. She acted like she was angrier at me for breaking her concentration than anything else, but I quickly said what I wanted to say in hawk terms and flew off back to the nest. The very next day my son left the nest as well.

It felt empty without them, and rightfully so I guess. Now there was no one to feed, no one to play with, and no one to take care of anymore. My mate and I continued to stay close to the nest for the next couple of days just in case on of our offspring decided they wanted to come back, but that didn't happen. I wasn't expecting it to happen and I guess I was kinda glad that it didn't happen. If they didn't come back to the nest that meant that they both had found a territory of their own and were successful at catching their own food. I had no doubt that they would both be fine. After all, they did take after their father and mother…

After a few days of waiting for them to come back my mate finally left the nest for the last time and went back to her old territory. I waited about a day or so afterwards before returning back to mine as well and chasing off the other hawk that had claimed it while I was gone. It was over. It was all over.

I suddenly found myself with much more time than I knew what to do with. I had been doing almost nothing but hunting and sleeping for the past few months and suddenly I didn't need to anymore. Of course the day after I came back to my meadow I spent almost the entire day with Rachel (and she was thrilled to hear the news that both my offspring had left the nest successfully), but I knew that I couldn't spend all my free time with her. She did have to go to school and do homework and all that as well. I thought that I would go crazy from all the boredom, but eventually I slowly began to fall back into my old habits that I had before I mated. I went to see Ax for the first time in quite a while and I turned it back into almost a daily thing. And, of course, there was always the soaring high on a thermal thing and just enjoying being able to fly. But I did have something new to do now. I had my mate and offspring to check in with every now and then.

My daughter did very well right from the start. She had gotten herself a good territory and she protected it well. And because of that she always had plenty to eat and therefore a lot of extra time to waste since she wasn't hunting for a great deal of time. I often saw her soaring on a thermal around her territory and sometimes I'd drop in just to say hi. I was usually disappointed when she basically ignored me (hawks don't seem to have much of an attraction to their parents despite all we did for them), but at least I knew she was my daughter and she was doing well as a hawk.

My son had some trouble to start off with. A few bad territory choices lead to him catching little food early on and I barely ever saw him. But after he finally got up the courage to invade and conquer another hawk's territory he became a lot like his sister; well fed with a lot of free time to fly. Both of them were becoming shining examples of red-tailed hawks and I couldn't have been more proud of either of them.

When our offspring left the nest my mate and I had separated as well. We went back to doing what we had done before we mated, but that doesn't mean we completely forgot each other. Quite the contrary. Every now and then one of us would fly by the other's territory and we'd just simply go flying together or something like that. I guess it would seem strange to married human couples, but we didn't need to be together constantly. We knew where the other one was when we needed to find them, and a hawk's attraction to their mate isn't quite as strong as a human's might be. So simply going flying with the other one every now and then was enough to say that we were mates.

Even though I had just lived through the toughest few months of my life in the end it was all worth it. Every time I saw one of my offspring, or even my mate for that matter, I was reminded what I had done. It was an amazing feeling to know that I was a part of making a pair of wonderful adolescent red-tailed hawks. Even though I was almost constantly tired and hungry over those few months it had been worth it. Nothing compares to seeing your own children be successful, nothing.

I never told anyone about this, not even Rachel, but I was kind of looking forward to next year. I knew that if I could convince Rachel and everyone else to let me mate again that I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I never had the chance to even ask her how she would feel about it. Not long after my offspring left the nest the war with the Yeerks began to escalate dramatically and within a few months it was over.

I'm sure everyone knows what happened so I won't go into detail about it, but I was pretty messed up afterwards to put it bluntly. I needed to get away from everything and everyone so I could just have some time for myself to think things over. This included the other Animorphs (especially Jake), my mom, and even my mate. I have to admit that when I decided to move with Toby and the Hork-Bajir to Yellowstone my mate wasn't exactly the first thing I thought of. It was only when spring hit Yellowstone that I finally began to remember her.

I thought about flying back to California to be with her or even taking another mate around Yellowstone. I'm sure that it would've helped me move on and get my life going back in the right direction. Then I'd have some responsibility and something to work towards, but I just couldn't do it. When I lost my first hawk "mate" I was saddened, but when I lost Rachel I was devastated. I never wanted to have a relationship with anyone ever again. It was too painful to let go of someone that you loved. And, in the case of my second hawk mate, it just reminded me too much of my past to really go back to that area and raise another family.

I did feel bad that I wouldn't be able to mate again, but I knew that my mate would find another male hawk to mate with. She had a good eye for mates and was convincing enough to get them to mate with her that was for sure. I just hope that the male hawk she found would treat her and her offspring just as well as I would've…

Every spring after that I would get the urge to go back and mate with her, but I knew that I just couldn't do it for any number of reasons. I thought that would be the end of it and I would never see her again, but things have a funny way of happening I guess.

A few years after the war ended Jake came to me and told me that Ax had been captured and he was leading a rescue mission for him. Ax was still my _shorm_ and I'd do anything for him, so it was no surprise that I decided to go along. But as a side effect of the whole plan I found myself back where everything started. I was back home.

I wasn't even looking for her at the time. She was on my mind of course, but she was just one of many things. I was flying in the vicinity of my old territory when all of a sudden she popped up right beside me like she always used to. I don't know who was more excited at seeing the other, but we both instantly went into an excited "hello dance" I guess you could call it. It was one of the ways a pair of hawks said hello to each other if they ever found the need to. And after the "hello dance" was over we flew on for a little bit before my mate suddenly turned a different direction and began to fly away. I was just going to leave her be and keep on flying my way, but the way she looked back at me made me realize she wanted me to follow her.

Now don't get me wrong, I was glad to see her and she brought back some pretty good memories, but she also brought back a lot of memories about Rachel. I did want to see her and my offspring again, but I knew I couldn't stay for long. I knew I had only stopped back here so Jake could set everything up for the mission. There was no way I could stay permanently. But if I spent too much time around my mate or my offspring I might not want to leave afterwards. Like I said before having a family and some responsibilities along with people to care for would have done wonders for my mood, and deep down I think that's what I wanted to do, but I couldn't. I had already left my hawk mate once and I couldn't bear to do it again if anything ever happened to her. So for my sake as well as Ax's sake I knew I couldn't get too attached. And besides, it was already late spring. My mate had most likely already found a new mate and produced offspring with him the past few years including this one.

As I continued to follow her I began to wonder where she was leading me. But as we got closer and closer I began to figure out where we were going. And when the nest that we had made came into view I knew what it was she wanted to show me. Inside the nest, the nest we made together, were two very cute eyasses.

I wasn't sure how to feel exactly at that moment, but as I followed her down onto the branch that I had called home for a few months a long time ago I finally figured it out. I was happy for her. She had met another hawk who was just as impressive as me and she was continuing to live her life like a normal hawk, just like I wanted her to do. She was an amazing hawk and I was glad that she found someone who could make her happy and produce more fantastic offspring with her. She deserved it.

I continued to look at the sleeping eyasses for a little bit before I finally looked back at my mate. If I was able to I would've smiled, but instead all I could do to show I was happy for her was to rub my beak against her neck (I guess you can call it "nuzzling" except that you have to be a lot more careful about it when you have a beak). She returned the same gesture and shortly thereafter I flew off again. I was becoming too attached and I had to force myself to leave. But as I looked back to see my mate still sitting on the branch watching my fly away I decided to say one last goodbye. I got up some good speed and executed a few barrel rolls of death for her. That was how we first met and that was also how we finally departed. I was sad when I had to leave her, but she had already found another mate. I knew I wouldn't be able to mate with her even if I wanted to. So it was for the best that I left. But I still had all those memories of her and those would have to be enough for me.

After a bit of searching I was also able to find both of my offspring in nearby territories. I barely recognized them anymore they'd grown so much, but thankfully they recognized me as I flew by. Both of them came out to greet me and both of them showed me their own nests. They had both found mates while I was gone and it looked like both of them were going to be fine parents from what I saw. I didn't get to stay long with either of them though because the daylight was fading fast. I needed to get back to Jake's house before it got dark. We had a long day ahead of us tomorrow full of faked crashes and getting ourselves settled on our new space ship…

Do I miss them? Yeah. Do I wish I could be with them sometimes? Yeah. But my life has a funny way of taking anything that gives me pleasure and turning it into pain. But maybe after we find Ax… IF we find Ax… I'll go back to her. Whether she'll take me back I'm not sure, I am getting to be a pretty old hawk, but being able to raise another family and have them prosper is the only thing I really have to look forward to. Would Rachel want me to go back to her? Maybe, it's hard to say. But one thing's for sure, I don't want to waste my life wishing that the past had turned out different anymore. It's time for me to move on. And after we finish this mission that's just what I intend to do.

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End Transmission

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I want to thank everyone for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story. I was debating whether or not to switch it back to Cassie's POV or not, but in the end I figured that she really didn't have much to say so I just decided to forget it. I'm not really sure what's going to be next for me, but whatever it is it should be exciting. Stay tuned!


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